Bad Memories
by Fireandice87
Summary: The team at STAR labs is faced with a type of Meta human they've never seen before. But is the Flash really a match for him? Every time Barry faces this new Meta human he gets recollections of his worst experiences, feeling both emotional and physical pain. Caitlin and Cisco notice a change in his mental health and personality. Can they save Barry before he disappears?
1. Chapter 1

This is my first flash fanfiction and I'm super nervous but hopefully you guys like it. I Just started binge watching it and it's became my new obsession. But unfortunately I don't own any rights to the show

Bad memories

Barry woke up to the loud blaring of his alarm clock. He stifled a groan as he practically rolled out of bed thinking about the long week ahead of him. Speeding through his morning routine he made it into the precinct at record time. Walking through the door Barry started to regret his decision to not get coffee even though the caffeine burned through his metabolism he's grown accustomed to the taste. After receiving a look of surprise from both Joe and detective Singh for being on time he headed to the lab lost in his thoughts.

The last week has been tough for Barry both as a flash and a CSI, there has been a string of robberies all obviously done by the same person but they all seemed unconnected. The team at STAR labs came to the conclusion that it was a Meta human but they had no suspects of who the Meta human could be. As a CSI Barry was struggling with finding any evidence to catch the suspect, placing lots of strain on the precinct.

After visiting the witnesses from the robbery nothing made sense. They all described seeing different people in their lives and then feeling immense pain. One women claimed to feel intense pain in her chest and visions of her abusive boyfriend who was in prison. While another man who served in the army swore he saw his lieutenant as he got an searing migraine causing him to pass out. Over 30 people were there at the scene of the crime yet they all had different stories of what happened and who they saw, not one person saw the man that managed to steal over $300,000 from the Central City bank. After going over the reports multiple times attempting to connect the crimes to what the witnesses claimed to have seen Barry grew increasingly frustrated and decided to go to STAR labs for an early lunch break.

"Any luck?" Barry asked as he flashed through STAR labs.

"Well obviously they hold some type of power over mental pain and hallucinations, but we don't know how they cause it or what the hallucinations mean." Caitlin replied solemnly.

Barry gnawed on a protein bar "please tell me we have a plan."

After exchanging a cautious glance with Cisco, Caitlin stepped forward nervously "We don't usually like to send you after a Meta human with so little information but we don't know very much and we aren't making progress."

"Say no more, I need to lose to get more information to win, am I right?" Barry replied with a tired grin. The Meta human has been running around central city for a little over a week and Barry is more than eager to spring into action.

"Exactly!" Cisco exclaimed with a triumph look to Caitlin "told you he would agree" he added smugly.

Looking extremely unsure about this plan Caitlin glared at Cisco. "Barry we wouldn't want to put you in danger or making you uncomfortable, you don't have to do this."

"Yes I do, I can't stand by anymore." Checking his phone Barry frowned "I got to get back to the precinct if I'm late Singh will have my head." He said speeding away.

Later that night Barry, Caitlin and Cisco were lounging around STAR labs munching on pizza when alarms started ringing.

All eyes were on Caitlin as she read "Break in at the Central City museum".

Barry nodded and changed into his suit as Cisco set up the communication device.

"You really don't have to do this, you know Joe and Iris would have your head if they know you went into a robbery unprepared." Caitlin murmured

"Well what they don't know can't hurt them" Barry said attempting to ease the tension. "I'll be fine Cait" he added softening his voice and in a flash he was gone.

Barry arrived at the museum in a matter of seconds. Speeding through the crime scene he stop in front of two security guards, the younger one was passed out on the floor in an uncomfortable position. While the older man was clutching at his foot whimpering in pain transfixed at the air next to Barry. Barry frowned it was obvious the unnamed villain was here. He sped through the museum spotting when he saw the back of the hooded figure grabbing an expensive painting.

"I would put that back if I were you." Barry said easily adopting the flash's cocky composure.

"If it isn't the flash" the hooded man sneered his voice giving Barry goosebumps "I was wondering when we would meet."

"Who are you?" Barry asked doubting he would receive a very helpful answer.

"Just another particle accelerator sob story" the mystery man retorted.

Barry frowned this man seemed well… educated. Most of the other Meta humans he faced were mostly after revenge or destruction but this one obviously did his homework.

"We can help you, just come back with me you don't have to be like this."

The Meta human pretended to consider it "I don't have to, but I am." He said turning around sharply.

They made eye contact and Barry started to get lost in his icy blue eyes for someone reason it reminded him of that time Tony Woodward pushed him off the swings in 4th grade resulting in him breaking his ankle. As soon as he thought of that memory his ankle started to sting into that pain became unbearable and he collapsed onto his knees. He found himself replaying the memory over and over again until Tony appeared in front of him. Barry gasped not recognizing the chatter of worry in his eyepiece from Caitlin and Cisco or the fact that the Meta human escaped. All Barry could grasp was that his ankle was broken again the pain was so intense it had to be. Tony, tony was right there mocking him, laughing at him. The pain started to build up and so did his breathing, he needed to calm down but he couldn't. He cowered in pain until he saw black.

 **Should I continue? Please review and give me some feedback!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone who followed, favorited and reviewed. It really means a lot ;)**

Old feelings

Barry woke up with a pounding headache and a small light being shined in his eye. He tiredly attempted to swat it away finding Caitlin's disapproving face. Faintly he heard Cisco arguing with Joe about what happened. Once Caitlin announced to everyone Barry was awake a small crowd was formed around his bed.

Cisco was the first to speak "What happened man?"

Barry cringed at the memory "I really don't know, one second I was talking to the Meta human and the next thing I know I'm in 4th grade again and Tony Woodward is breaking my ankle."

"You had a flashback to your 4th grade bully who terrorized you every day?" Iris confirmed.

"You don't have to remind me." Barry mumbled. "It was so much more real than a flashback he was there and I was helpless and in pain just like grade school, I tried to get away but he was everywhere."

Caitlin frowned at that. "What triggered it?"

Barry replayed what happened "We were talking and he turned around and we made eye contact, his eyes were…so cold"

"And that's when the flashback started?" Joe inquired.

Barry nodded his confirmation. "How did you guys find me so quickly?"

"Well your vitals were dropping rapidly and we could hear you through your eyepiece you were whimpering and crying out. We called Joe, the police were already on their way but he managed to get to you first and sneak you out back."

Barry blushed at the amount of vulnerability he showed. "I'm really sorry" he told the team "I don't know why I was effected so much."

"Hey it's ok, just because you're a superhero doesn't mean you're invincible." Iris said comforting him. Barry nodded his thanks but couldn't shake the feeling of failure.

"Did you get a good look at his face or any unusual features that could be helpful to his identification?" Cisco asked.

"Umm I didn't really get a good look before you know what happened…" Barry trailed off awkwardly. The others nodded understandingly at him. "But he's a male medium height average weight probably late 30s. " I'm really sorry I couldn't be more helpful." Barry added feeling uncharacteristically unsure of himself.

"Hey you'll get him next time." Caitlin told him kindly. The thought of having to face him again made Barry feel undeniably sick. "Since the eyes seem to be the focus point of his powers wear these" she said handing him sunglasses "and avoid looking him in the eye."

"Got it." Barry said praying that would work.

Ignoring the disproving looks from Joe and Iris he decided to stay at STAR labs and train. He managed to create lots of new ways to take the mysterious Meta human down without making direct eye contact. Cisco swore he would come up with a nickname for the villain once they learn the extent of his powers and his identity. Both Cisco and Caitlin had to practically force Barry to take a break. Barry's got beaten before but this time it was different, the Meta found a way to unlock all those feelings he had as a kid. The feelings of blame, doubt, insecurity, and self-hatred he had more than his fair share of experimenting with after his mom died. A day full of training did boost his confidence and mood, he was in a much better mood at the end of the day when he went home.

The next few days we're very relaxing for Barry. The crime in the city was much lower and there was no sign of the hallucination causing Meta human. Barry's guard was still up, after he spent all day in his office where he was assigned on smaller crimes which were open and shut cases. He would go to STAR labs and train or catch robbers a throughout the city until Joe would call him home for dinner. After that he would finish some lab reports and fall into a restless sleep. As much as Barry would hate to admit it most of his time was consumed by that Meta, it was his last thought at night and first in the morning. It's what drove him to be better, faster, and stronger. Barry followed this routine for a few days, his family stopped worrying about him as they were unaware that his obsession to beat the META grew. He was in STAR labs when everything fell apart. Barry and Cisco were arguing about what pizza toppings were the best when an alert sounded from a lab computer signaling a break in at the local bank.

"If this is the meta human it's pretty obvious he's running low on money" Caitlin observed "this is the third bank he robbed since he got here." Barry was praying it wasn't the Meta human, despite all the work he put into training he still felt unsure of himself.

"Hey man you're going be fine." Cisco assured him.

"You know how to beat him, you got this Barry" Caitlin added.

Barry nodded determined not to let his friends down and he sped away grabbing the sunglasses.

By the time Barry rushed to the crime scene he was feeling more confident. Walking through bank the sight of two bank tellers slumped over both covered in sweat made his heart drop. The Meta was definitely here. Barry crammed his sunglasses on and cautiously made his way to the back room. The Meta once again was facing his back to Barry throwing money into an old bag.

"Let us help you" Barry said grabbing the Meta's attention "You don't have to be the bad guy.

The Meta turned around and Barry kept his eyes on the floor. "The flash we meet again" he drawled "you've faced enough villains to know it doesn't work like that."

"But it can work that way!" Barry insisted "Be the hero."

"And how much does that pay?" The Meta questioned with a teasing tone.

"That's what this is about the money?!" Barry angrily asked.

"Oh you have no idea" the Meta said with a sly grin walking over to the flash and tilting his head up forcing their eyes to meet.

"Sunglasses… cute" the Meta said with a smirk as icy blue eyes met hazel. Within seconds the Flash was taken back to the day his mother was killed and he could do nothing about it.

The Meta grabbed his bag of money and climbed over the flash's trembling body. Sometimes mental pain is worse than physical. He had a meeting to attend to about a certain vigilante and the price one is willing to pay for a broken Flash.

 **The mysterious Meta human is going be attending a Rogues meeting. I haven't decided if I'm going include it in the next chapter but if you think I should then mention it in the reviews! It's really late here right now and I'm super tired so I'm really sorry for any grammar mistakes you might find. But please review, I love your feedback!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all the reviews favorites and follows it really means so much! Sorry for updating so late I've been super busy and I won't be able to update to update next week because of finals** **but I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

Falling apart

To say it was chaotic would be an understatement. Every enemy the flash has ever faced was in the basement of a warehouse after receiving an anonymous email.

"Why the hell are we here?" Mark Mardon roared, furious at the prospect of his time being wasted.

"Obviously no one here knows" Hartley snapped. "Considering we all got the same anonymous email" he added with an eye roll.

Mardon growled in response.

"Boys, boys let's be civil" Snark interrupted with his trademark smirk "Let's see if this could be worth our while."

"Oh I would say it's very worth your while." A figure said appearing into the room, he had a dark hood covering his face to conceal his identity, His entrance received the attention of all the squabbling villains.

"Who the hell are you?" Mick Rory exclaimed breaking the silence.

"That's not of importance" the figured responded causing a roar of outbursts from the Meta's.

"If I were you I would put all of that away" he added referring to the way the rogue's immediately pulled out their guns ready to fight.

"Or what" Mardon sneered mockingly.

The figure smiled darkly as he made eye contact with Mardon replaying his worst memory causing him to immediately fall to the ground. Everyone drew back their weapons looking concerned. "He'll be fine" the mysterious figure said.

"Now I have a proposition for you" he said once again grabbing the attention of the room.

"We're listening" Snark drawled.

"What if I said I could deliver the flash to you…"

Hartley snorted "with the technology I have we could kidnap the flash no problem."

"I wasn't finished" the villain said annoyed "I would deliver the flash to you powerless, he would be 100% broken. You would be able to do whatever you wanted with him."

"And how do you plan to do this?" Hartley asked innocently.

In return all he got was a cocky smile "leave that to me."

"What would you want in return?" Shawna asked suspiciously.

"Money, I was thinking of a bidding where the winner receives the ultimate prize…"he trailed off pleased to see the competitive expressions. "How soon?" Mardon asked excitedly.

"You will have to learn to be patient" He answered electing lots of groans. "I will meet with you every few weeks to keep you updated. Don't do anything rash, you must live your lives normal as villains and not target him leave him to me. Now I'm guessing you're all interested?" He asked innocently.

Receiving multiple nods and "hell yeah"

He smirked at the responses "until next time" he said before he was gone.

 **-At Star labs-**

Barry woke up, instantly feeling a wave of self-hatred towards himself as he realized he failed again.

"Damn it" he mumbled to himself. Recognizing he was awake Caitlin hurried to his side.

"How are you feeling?" She asked sympathetically.

Like a failure Barry thought. "I'm so sorry" he immediately started apologizing.

"Hey it's fine, we'll find a way to take him down" Caitlin said optimistically.

Barry nodded in response feeling strangely hopeless.

"The sunglasses didn't help" he blurted out in hopes of being helpful. "I mean they did at first but I felt the need to look at him like I was being forced too."

"You did fine Barry" Caitlin ensured him "Cisco is trying to ID him but it's proving to be difficult he wants to stay hidden."

He nodded feeling a bit better that he wasn't the only one having trouble with this specific villain.

"Joe and Iris should be here soon" she added bringing Barry out of his train of thought.

Barry groaned "Did you have to tell them!?" He exclaimed feeling ashamed that they were also aware of his failure.

Caitlin looked at him disapproving "You need someone to look after you. You were out for 6 hours Barry. I'm not going ask you what the memory was about because I can understand that that can be triggering but your mental and emotional health seemed to be heavily affected."

Barry looked down feeling chastised.

"It's okay to need help" she told him in a much softer voice "If you ever need to talk to any of us, you know you can."

Barry nodded as Cisco came into the room.

"Hey sleeping beauty awakes" He says with a grin earning a chuckle from Barry "Brought you you're favorite" he said handing him a jumbo bag of Big Belly Burger.

"Thanks man" Barry said with a grin, finally able to relax while talking about random stuff with Cisco taking his mind off of everything.

After an hour of mindless chatter Iris and Joe walked in, Iris immediately started fussing over him, making Barry feel immensely guilty.

"I'm really sorry guys" he said hanging his head.

"Hey no need to be sorry, we win some we lose some" Joe said ruffling his hair fondly.

Barry forced himself to smile and nod despite the recurring feelings of self- hate and self-doubt which he wasn't used too.

After a few more minutes of small talk Barry left with the Wests feeling exhausted.

"If you need anything Barry don't be afraid to get one of us." Joe said,

"We're here for you" Iris smiled.

"Thanks guy but I'm sure I'll be fine." Barry replied reassuring himself more than the Wests.

Once they got home Barry made a beeline for his bed, he needed to reflect on everything that happened. The emotional pain felt worse than the physical, after only two encounters with this villain he feels more hopeless than he's ever felt before. The worst thing is knowing he has no idea how to fix himself. It took Barry an hour to fall asleep. It ended up being another restless night, he woke up 3 times with nightmares of the memories he's tried to keep locked away. Iris ended up hearing him when she was walking back to her room.

"Barry! Barry! Wake up!" Iris said frantically shaking him. Barry woke up and shot straight up in his bed.

"Iris I'm so sorry" Barry exclaimed.

"Hey, hey it's ok" Iris said soothingly while rubbing his back "Let's go to the kitchen and talk ok?"

Barry nodded and obediently followed her to the kitchen.

Iris started to make two mugs of hot chocolate. "Want to talk about what that was about?"

He really didn't, but Iris deserved the truth, he ended up telling her everything. Which is how he found himself in the kitchen at 2am crying into Iris's shirt.

"It will be okay" She said holding him close in a hug. "Maybe STAR labs can give you something to help you sleep" she said hopefully.

Barry stilled at her words "You can't tell them about this Iris" he sniffled "They can't know!"

She looked at him frowning "But they can help you, why don't you want them to know?"

"They'll think I'm weak or crazy or both!" Barry said becoming hysterical "You can't Iris!"

"Shh I won't but they won't judge you, you know that. I won't tell anyone." She reassured Barry instantly calming him. "But I think you should tell them."

Barry shook his head his eyes downcast. Iris sighed knowing this was a lost cause.

"C'mon let's get you to bed." She said.

Barry got 3 hours of sleep that night.

 **I hoped you like it. Don't forget to review. Also I'm having a bit of writers block in naming the Meta human. Please comment any ideas you have!**


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